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This is one of the first years in a while where the actual Super Bowl game was better than the commercials. Yes, I said it. With advertising reports boasting spends upwards of $3.4 million per 30-second spot (WHAT!!!), I expected a whole lot more than lounging polar bears, body painting, Deion Sanders (TWICE), Ferris Bueller, Jerry Seinfeld, vampires, and a dog on a treadmill. And for those of you that don’t know, I’m a Redskins fan. I bleed burgundy and gold. And in a year where I had little to root for, I was really rooting for a quarterback sneak in this year’s commercials. I was sadly disappointed.

Let’s start with the first quarter commercials.

Bud Light introduced its new Platinum beer, touting excellence, superior brewing, and top shelf taste. What else is new? All of Budweiser’s beers offer the best brewing technology there is to offer. And can a light beer really be top shelf taste-worthy? I mean really, how amazing can it be? It’s a high dollar bottle of watered down hops. The commercial left me uninterested and ready to devour my 6-pack of microbrew instead. For the record, I’m a big Anheuser-Busch fan, but this one has gotta go.
The other Bud Light Platinum ad also in the first quarter has something to do with never mixing work with pleasure. See… aren’t you excited to go watch the commercial?
REVIEW: THUMBS DOWN

Audi played the vampire card with “Vampire Party” where 20 somethings (with vampire teeth!) are at a bonfire, and they suddenly disappear into mid-air as the Audi appears with a man saying, “The party has arrived.” Really? I realize I’m not the demographic market for this car, not being 20… but honestly, how appealing is this car to those that are? And for the record, how many 20-somethings can afford an Audi? The fact that the vampires disappear as “the party has arrived” reeks of poor messaging. The commercial gets ups for being one of only a few commercials to incorporate social media with #SoLongVampires. Not really sure what’s being said there, so be sure to take your garlic and cross with you. You’ve been warned.
REVIEW: THUMBS DOWN

Pepsi issues the first Coca-Cola vs. Pepsi throwdown of the night. Coca-Cola can’t compete with Elton John in full on jester-meets-king attire, XFactor’s Melanie Amaro singing Aretha Franklin’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T, and a dance off, all inside of a church. As Elton hands over a Pepsi, Amaro says, “No, Pepsi for ALL” and Sir Elton disappears into the hallows of the church. Okay, I didn’t get that part… BUT, I love me some Elton John. Tunes by Aretha and good costumes in “King’s Court” don’t hurt either.
REVIEW: THUMBS UP

Hyundai’s “Cheetah” proves that tag lines like, “Trust us, it’s fast” works well with the younger population ready to chirp tires in neighborhoods across America. Thank you Hyundai. This one left me speechless. But, in more exciting news, you can go behind the scenes and see how Tango the Cheetah pulls off his harrowing stunts in this thriller of a commercial. Sarcasm aside, the cheetah is cute.
REVIEW: MEH.

For the sake of keeping you engaged in this blog, we’ll just skip past the 18 million spots for the TV Show Smash, movie trailers, and local programming spots.

One of the most popular commercials of the night, as evidenced by my entirely non-scientific Facebook post asking my friends what they thought about the first quarter commercials, was the M&M’s commercial. Yes, the one that people are still smiling about today around the water cooler. Not only are the M&M characters brilliant, but they took their clothes off AND to music by LMFAO!! Which is more than what we can say about other Super Bowl personalities, *ahem* Danica Patrick. (And LMFAO’s halftime performance.) Seriously, this was a great commercial! In case you missed it, M&M’s revealed the new M&M color…. Wait for it….. it’s BROWN!!! To see the commercial again, and to wiggle it with LMFAO, I introduce you to Ms. Brown in “Just My Shell”.
REVIEW: BIG UPS

Best Buy and Coca-Cola were up next. Seriously, does anyone understand the polar bears this year? Please leave a comment explaining if you do.
For the record, I did enjoy the polar bears imitating the game in this commercial. And the idea on the Coca-Cola website to share the polar bears watching the game plays right to my complete lust for augmented reality. I just don’t understand the relation to the commercials and for the millions of viewers that aren’t social media and technology geeks.

One of my favorite spots of the evening was the Chevrolet Silverado “Apocalypse” commercial. Again, my brand loyalty is showing. Not only is there a shiny Chevy Silverado in our driveway, but this commercial cracked me up. Now, I don’t know how many of you caught the reference to Zombie Land (Woody Harrelson) with the Twinkies reference, but if you didn’t, now you know. Poor Dave, he didn’t drive the longest, lasting, most dependable truck on the road. Dave drove a Ford.
REVIEW: BIG UPS

And now onto the 2nd Quarter spots.

I’ve gotta give it to Bridgestone for pulling out all the stops on has-been professional sports players for the evening. Poor Deion has no idea what to do now that even the Redskins got rid of his….. him. Lucky for him, unlucky for us, Bridgestone found a way to put him in a football jersey and call it a game showing off their R&D efforts in using tire technology in sports equipment. DO WE REALLY CARE??? Bring back the beavers, please! Oh, and Aikman even has a cameo, in what is being called “Performance Football”. Umm… No.
REVIEW: THUMBS DOWN

Go Daddy hasn’t given up on Danica Patrick, nor Jillian Michels, even though everyone else has. As they are painting the new .co domain logo on another chick’s body, we are reminded why GoDaddy is on the verge of bankruptcy. You know, because women don’t buy domains or anything… especially the new sexy .co domains. Too bad too, Chairman Bob Parsons is a University of Baltimore grad.
REVIEW: MAKE IT STOP ALREADY

Budweiser comes out of the huddle in the 2nd quarter with the Clydesdale’s and “Prohibition”. Showing off older men celebrating the end of prohibition probably catered to their product demographic, and I thought it was well done too. Hey, I’m a sucker for the ponies!
REVIEW: THUMBS UP

Okay, so everyone waits and waits for the first Doritos commercial so as to break out in mass hysteria, and “Man’s Best Friend” is no exception. Historically the chips-maker has scored field goals with its game-day commercials, especially the ones with dogs. A dog is caught digging in the dirt, burying the cat. The look on hubby’s face is classic, and even better when the mastiff is holding a bag of Doritos hostage at the end of the commercial.
REVIEW: THUMBS UP

ALERT: I happen to also bleed American horsepower, mainly Chevrolet. (Just don’t tell my Kia Sorrento that.) When Chevrolet’s “Happy Grad” commercial began, I laughed out loud, literally. I mean how many college graduates end up getting a bumblebee Camaro for their graduation gift? I need to renegotiate my gift if this is the new norm. All sarcasm aside, this commercial is great. Especially when the typical mom & dad want to give their graduate a beer holder, otherwise known as a mini fridge. Even better, this commercial is the winning entry to Chevrolet’s Route66 competition.
REVIEW: #AWESOME

Skip past some other boring commercials….

Volkswagen. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???? You had a great thing with the magical powers of the kid who thought he was darth vader last year. So how on earth did you think a dog on a treadmill would somehow imply the new Volkswagen Beetle is so cool? TOTALLY confused by “The Dog Strikes Back“. And the bit to darth vader at the end. HUH?
REVIEW: THUMBS DOWN

Attention women: Did you happen to see the H&M Commercial? Yeah, I almost didn’t at first either. Only because I was busy wiping the drool off my face from seeing the sex pot otherwise known as David Beckham. Apparently there’s a new bodywear line exclusively for men now available at H&M, but I missed that part during the first airing of the commercial. Men, welcome to the world where women have been burning bra’s for decades in order to feel equal. Now YOUR KIND has appeared in Super Bowl commercials portrayed like a juicy piece of steak. Back to the women… In case you want another serving of dessert, the commercial can be found here.
REVIEW: Um… YES, PLEASE

As my fellow AMA’er Jen Glass says, “YOU GOT THIS!” And Chevrolet Sonic brought it. The new Chevrolet Sonic featuring, “Stunt Anthem” makes me want to go skydiving, bungee jumping, and try kick flipping, just like the car does in the commercial! Yes Chevy, #YouGotThis.
REVIEW: THUMBS UP

Telaflora reminded men that Valentine’s Day is coming up, and that’s about it. It’s only fair to show this commercial of a sexy woman, after the David Beckham undressing. This one is for those of you that are into hot foreign ladies out there.
REVIEW: THUMBS DOWN

At least Skechers didn’t bring back Kim Kardashian this year. But instead, it featured a pug doing the moonwalk, backwards, across the finish line in a race with greyhounds. Surprise! Another commercial featuring a dog…. *Sigh*
REVIEW: NO THANKS

I’ll hand it to Cars.com for putting the annoyingly, yet catchy, “Hey Baby I want that car, hey baby I need that car. Let’s get that car” jingle in my head. That is all that I remember about the commercial called “Confident You”. And the worm-like identical mini version of the man. That part is confusing, and a bit frightening. But it was catchy, and a few people liked it.
REVIEW: ON THE FENCE

Doritos goes for the touchdown with “Sling Baby” and I actually laughed at this one. Out loud, even! Now, if only I had a baby that I could slingshot to go grab my bag of chips….
REVIEW: BIG UPS

Finally, the moment that everyone is waiting for. No, not for the game to be over already. But for the eTrade baby! Thank god they stuck with what works. “Baby’s Ready for the Big Game” ended with a household roar when the baby in the delivery room sits up and says, “I’m speed dating!” Hilarious!
REVIEW: BIG UPS

Last year’s Chrysler commercial with Eminem touched hearts like few commercials ever do. As if they could outdo themselves after last years smash hit, Clint Eastwood makes an appearance expressing how far Detroit City has come. Kudos to tugging at the heartstrings once more, Chrysler. It’s half time in America, and our second half is about to begin.
REVIEW: BIG UPS

This is where the commercials go south, quickly. Just like Tom Brady’s Super Bowl game. Just don’t tell Giselle that.

Coca-Cola takes the Pepsi throwdown, and unfortunately loses. Pepsi Max’s “Check out” wins, too. Pepsi Max features a man wearing a Coca-Cola Zero hat who wins a lifetime supply of Pepsi Max while checking out at the grocery store… buying what else? A Pepsi Max. The winner of the Pepsi vs. Coca-Cola challenge here isn’t tough, but the novelty of the grocery store winner as a commercial plot has long worn off.
REVIEW: MEH.

More Toyota, Coca-Cola polar bears, Oikos yogurt(????), Century 21 featuring Deion Sanders (that’s commercial #2 for Deion in case you lost count), Acura with Jerry Seinfeld, GE, Budweiser continuation on Prohibition, blah blah blah… (PS: this is not a good time to play the serious card in commercials. The beer is expiring, the favored team is losing, people are thinking about Monday already….Ad execs and rate card buyers take note!)

And the 4th Quarter continues in disappointment…

The much hyped Honda CRV commercial featuring Matthew Broderick in “Matthew’s Day Off” reminds me that Ferris Bueller’s finest moments are from the 80s and that’s where they should stay.
REVIEW: THUMBS DOWN

FAVORITE COMMERCIAL OF THE NIGHT!!
I sure you hope you’ve made it this far, and in case you fell asleep after the 3rd quarter, you didn’t miss much, except for this amazing commercial!!! What were you thinking!!!
Bud Light almost always gets it right, and they earn the MVP award for the night with a rescue dog named, “Here We Go” that fetches a beer every time he hears his name. HILARIOUS!!! Note to self: train dog to fetch beers. Bud Light scores bonus points with the “Help Rescue Dogs” messaging throughout the commercial. Way to go Bud Light!
REVIEW: BIG UPS

After that, we saw more cars proving they are race car worthy, Samsung Galaxy playing on the Apple Store wait time, Career Builder monkeys proving that even sometimes a good thing needs to retire, and another GoDaddy bomb.

So there you have it. My 2012 Super Bowl Ad Smackdown.

What do you think?
Do you agree?
And PLEASE… if you figure out the whole Coca-Cola polar bear thing, let me know!!!